Saturday, November 6, 2010

Useless Information About Me

Well I am already slacking on my blogging.  I am just not good at staying on task right now.  I am currently going through a divorce (not a bad one might I add) and it has taken my mind from me I swear.  There is a long history between my husband and I.  We have dated on and off for many, many years and in 2007, we decided to get married.  Now let me clarify something.  Never in my life did I ever dream of a big white wedding.  It was just something I never thought I'd do.  If you understood where I came from, you'd understand why.  I also never wanted children.  Again, you'd have to understand that I raised my siblings and it took a toll on my desire to have my own children.  However, on May 1, 1999, I gave birth to a 10 lb 3.3 oz, 21.5 inch long (via c-section and a long horrible labor) and from that day forward, I was forever changed.  In an instant my lack of desire for a child was gone.  I couldn't have loved anyone more. 

I have lost my train of thought yet again.  My husband and I were best friends and not because we were married, we just were.  A lot of things changed with us after marriage, we became extremely incompatible and now the decision has come to divorce.  NO, it is absolutely not an easy decision.  I simply do not know how people get married and divorced over and over.  I would be in Choate Mental Health if I did that.  However, sometimes you have to decide what is best for the situation as a whole.  We have been in counseling since May and have learned a lot about one another I think.  I would highly recommend counseling now that I have experienced it.  I was very leery of it but not anymore.  Our hardest part of course has been our son, J, it is not an easy decision to do this to a child but it is not healthy for a child to be in an environment that we had allowed to develop.  J is adjusting well and luckily he is still so young that he seems to be pretty oblivious to what has happened. 

I am not real sure where I am going with this at all but I do want to say that divorce is not easy and to me it is even harder to accept that I am not only losing my husband, I am losing my best friend.  Sounds cliche but it is the truth.  I am sure people have speculated as for the reasoning to our divorce but the fact is people, there was no cheating or any of the "normal" reasons people get divorced, but just simply that our relationship was not healthy for either one of us and we were becoming more and more miserable with ourselves and in life.  I don't wish to live that way.  I am a pretty happy person and I think that life is too short to just let it pass you by.  I believe that you have to be a strong person to survive divorce no matter how hard or easy it is and if you know me, you know I am very strong willed and yes, stubborn to the core. 

Well now that I have informed you of a lot of useless information, I will go about my Saturday.  My niece is up for Homecoming Queen tonight and I am pretty excited about going and seeing her! 

I hope everyone has a fantastic weekend! 

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